The premise seemed amusing. Jean-Claude Van Damme, the Muscles from Brussels, playing the role of a troubled, washed-up action star -- namely himself.

But alas, for me, the whole film didn't hold up.

The movie is essentially a lamentation about the indignities of middle age and beyond.

At the end of a very compelling opening action sequence, Van Damme tells the 20-something Asian director: "I'm 47 years old. I can't shoot all of this in one take."

This elicits a snort of derision from the director, who says contemptuously to the translator that just because Van Damme was once a Hollywood star, "he can't rub my dick with sandpaper." The version Van Damme hears from the translator is somewhat different.

What follows is a dramedy about VD's life. He is going through a custody battle -- something with which he has real-life experience. He's been married five times, twice to the same woman.

When he shows up at a post office in a nondescript Belgian town, he's flat broke and his lawyer is ready to cut him off.

Then he finds himself in the middle of a robbery and hostage-taking where he gets mistaken for a bad guy.

At one point in this long, long sequence, VD delivers a soliloquy that simply proves to me that JC is an action star, not an actor. That's not a slam; many "serious" actors would be incapable of being great action stars.

Despite the film's compactness  (it clocks in at 97 minutes), it dragged for me.

What would have made it better? More absurdist wit and less maudlin self-pity. Fewer plot holes and a better supporting cast. Those would be the key areas of improvement.

Addendum

For a much gushier perspective, read these TIFF blog entries - JCVD intros & q-and-as and  "He has his own music"

This "official trailer" on YouTube has some scenes that don't appear in the movie (JCVD had a prediliction for nose candy in real life too :) ):

Here's an Eye Weekly article in which VD and director Mabrouk El Mechri hold forth.