... And I don't own a van or a car.
Car sleepers are on the rise in California which has been hit hard by the housing crisis
Santa Barbara boasts a classic laidback California lifestyle, with uncongested beaches, wholesome cafes and charming Spanish-style architecture.
Of course there's a hefty price tag: nestled between the gentle Santa Ynez mountains and the inviting Pacific Ocean are multi-million dollar homes.
But in this sun-washed haven of wealth, many live far from the American dream.
In a car park across the street from luxury mansions, the evening brings a strange sight.
A few cars arrive and take up spaces in different corners. In each car, a woman, perhaps a few pets, bags of possessions and bedding.
Across the street from homes with bedrooms to spare, these are Santa Barbara's car sleepers.
Homeless within the last year, they are a direct consequence of America's housing market collapse.
I was hoping for ironic in the headline. I hope it didn't come across as overly flip. This is a human tragedy.