Post odds, if you wish.

From Globe and Mail columnist Karen von Hahn's effort of May 4:

Victory at last! I might have to run out and buy a bottle of Veuve to celebrate. After weeks of sleeping sideways across a collapsed king-size mattress (and weeks of calls to Sleep Country Canada), our replacement is finally expected to arrive this morning.

Have you ever slept sideways? I don't advise it, as the pillows keep flying off the bed. But this was the only way we could think of to avoid waking up bent over like Methuselah after the one-sided pillow top we bought in August developed two cavernous moulds for us to lie in (Why buy a mattress anywhere else? Because customer service might call you back.)

The other day, griping over post-yoga coffee, I was amazed to discover that two of my friends had the same problem. One's brand-new pillow top had so dramatically subsided that she and her husband flipped it over and were sleeping, incorrectly, on its flat underside; the other was seriously contemplating taking out a pair of shears and clipping the pillow top right off. It is extremely annoying, we all agreed, to be sleeping on mattresses that are so ridiculously engulfing, you almost need ropes and piétons to climb out of them every morning. And then, catching ourselves, we all burst out laughing. Surely, insofar as the difficulties of human existence go, too-plush beds qualify as what is known as a "champagne problem."

As oxymoronic as they sound, champagne problems are the difficulties we like to invent when we are fortunate enough not to have any real ones. Like the effervescent liquor from whence they get their name, they are the frivolous froth with which we distract ourselves from the intractable anxieties of everyday anxieties. A blissful tonic against the strain of ill parents, our children's difficulties, grinding worries over work, money and marriages - they are, in short, the cherry atop the parfait of what we must admit, in a global sense, is a champagne lifestyle.

Sorry, but your home renovation that is over budget and taking forever? It may indeed be trying, but it's a champagne problem. And your kids with their perfect teeth and perfect SAT scores who still didn't get into their first choice of Princeton or Harvard? This may be a great disappointment, but we're still in the champagne region.

And on it goes. Until you get to the end, where you learn about France's champagne problem with champagne.

Sorry for the spoiler ending.