A classic hard country redneck anthem is Johnny Russell's version of Rednecks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer - number 347 on the top 500 country songs of all time, according to one dubious list I saw. :)

I've tried to adapt it to Toronto realities.

This evocative tune was likely written about the anonymous roadside bars that dot the highways of Texas and Oklahoma -- along with similar places and states of mind.

But to me, it always kicks into my head if I think about driving into Turner Valley, Alta., the Cowboy Trail town southwest of Calgary that was also at the centre of one of my home province's early oil booms -- the Dingman #1 well of 1914.

There's something about the intersection of energy, cattle and foothills -- with the Rockies not far away -- that screams "West!" :)

Anyways, to me, this song -- written by Bob McDill, Wayland Holyfield and Chuck Neese -- creates about as detailed and accurate an aural picture of Western redneck culture as you could imagine in a 2:41 song. I hope my shameless rip-off (sorry, homage) does the same for urban Toronto. If you have suggestions, leave a comment!

Here's the original lyrics:

There's no place that I'd rather be than right here
With my red neck, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer*

* The lyric refers to Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, of course. For some cultural context, watch this:

The barmaid is mad 'cause some guy made a pass
The jukebox is playin', there stands the glass
The cigarette smoke kinda hangs in the air
Rednecks, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer

VERSE 2:
A cowboy is cussin' the pinball machine
A drunk at the bar is gettin' noisy and mean
Some guy on the phone says I'll be home soon dear
Rednecks, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer

CHORUS:
No we don't fit in with that white-collar crowd
We're a little too rowdy and a little too loud
But there's no place that I'd rather be than right here
With my red neck, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer

VERSE 3:
Semis are passing on the highway outside
Four thirty crowd is about to arrive
Sun's goin' down and they'll all soon be here
Rednecks, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer

REPEAT CHORUS:

TAG:
But there's no place that I'd rather be than right here
With my red neck, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer

Here's my version:

There's no place that I'd
Rather be than right here
Black turtlenecks
Canali suits
And Hoegaarden beer

(Verse 1)

An investor has a frown
'Cause commodities went down
The iPod is playing
A nameless trendy tune
The cig-a-rette smoke's
Been long gone from here
Black turtlenecks
Canali suits and
Hoegaarden beer

(Chorus)

We sure look down
Upon poorly coiffed hair
Our heads are up our asses
And our noses are in the air

But there's no place that I'd
Rather be than right here
Black turtlenecks
Canali suits
And Hoegaarden beer

(Verse 2)

A real estate agent's
Braggin' 'bout his big sales
Listening to him talk
Is like being stabbed with nails
Some guy on his CrackBerry
Fakes an email from his dear
Black turtlenecks
Canali suits
And Hoegaarden beer

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)

The Volvos are stuck
In the gridlock outside
The post-yoga crowd
Is about to arrive
After the markets close
Then we'll all be here
Black turtlenecks
Canali suits
And Hoegaarden beer

(Chorus)

(Tag)

But there's no place that I'd
Rather be than right here
Black turtlenecks
Canali suits
And Hoegaarden beer

As an aside, I came across the tune on a 1975 (?) RCA album anthology called Redneck Mothers.

Lots more cheatin', hurtin' and self-pityin' songs where Rednecks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer came from! :)