I don't understand a goddamn thing being said, but the beauty of this clip is, you don't have to! (seen first on Twitter)

Addendum

A colleague who speaks some Japanese offers up a few snippets of the dialogue (thanks, Phil!)

Female anchor: 'You must have oily hands'

Male anchor: 'Why don't you try changing fingers?'

Male anchor:  "We tried it yesterday, it didn't work then either'

Female anchor:  'Maybe it's in Chinese mode'

(after assistant comes on stage to ‘fix’ it)

Tech guru: 'Sorry it was in sleep mode for a long time, it should work now'

Tech guru:  'Why isn't this working?'

Male anchor:  "Let the girl try it again'

Tech guru:  'Usually it works really well'

Male anchor: 'Maybe it just doesn't like Fuji Television'

Tech guru: 'Well, I guess we better move on then...'