On the 506 streetcar this time, heading east: A five-year-old asks his mother: "But if I have to pay rent, how can I buy toys?"

Dundas West station, 504 streetcar:

Operator - I've got a quiz question for the entire street car. Does anyone know the stop closest to St. Casimir's Church?

Wag at back - I'll take Roncesvalles stops for five hundred, Alex!

Yes, it's a west-Toronto-centric anecdote. So sue me.

From the moment I stepped on the College Street car, I knew something was abuzz.

"I smell something burning," one woman told her travelling companion, a sentiment echoed a split-second later by someone else.

The driver walked to the back, looked, sniffed, and returned to his seat.

Over the P.A. system, he gruffly told us: "Whoever tried to light the joint, don't do it again. If you do it again, everyone's goin' off and the police are comin' on."

Much low muttering amongst the passengers.

As we approached Dovercourt Street (I was going to the West End Y to try and undo some Christmas overeating damage), a young man in an olive bomber jacket and navy blue fisherman's cap asked the driver, "What was problem?"

The young man spoke with a Russian accent.

"Some guy tried to light a joint," the driver replied, slowing down for Dovercourt.

"What is 'joint'?" the young man asked.

Major eye-rolling and forced expulsion of air through the nostrils by the driver.

"Look, forget it," he told the guy, shaking his head in exasperation. "If you don't know, you don't know."

At Dovercourt, as I was leaving, I told the driver with a commiseratory grin, "Have a good night."

He laughed and said: "It's gonna be a long one!"

While in Edmonton last week, I got reacquainted with one of the great radio stations of our time -- CKUA. It has an audio stream if you feel like checking it out.

Anyway, in the course of driving around and listening to the station, I heard several Christmas songs from a Nettwerk Records compilation CD that were fantastic.

This set me off on a mad, implusive hunt for said CD. Too late. Sold out everywhere.

But at a downtown HMV, I did come across a William (She Bangs! He blows) Hung Christmas disc for only $10. However, I figured by waiting one more year, I could get it for $2. :)

(From when to when was he famous?)

A government-funded art project in Austria has generated outrage by producing posters depicting Queen Elizabeth II and France's President Jacques Chirac having sex.

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I arrived back in Toronto at 6:55 p.m. ET after a totally uneventful flight from Edmonton.

However, I did doze off for a brief period, and that could have triggered some snoring, which if true, would have been unpleasant for the people in the seats around me.

If so, screw 'em. Karmic balance for the two screeching infants I had to put up with at the same time last year.

I never farted or even particularly burped, which should give me some positive credits.

From BBC Online:

US tracks Santa's Christmas route

Santa fights off yobs with tree

Father Christmas pays off fines

From Yahoo! News:

Pa. community celebrates Festivus

Santa hats and holiday tack: Cambodia embraces Christmas

Investors still believe in Santa Claus rally

Santa dolls filled with cocaine seized in Brazil

Where does Santa live?

Singing Santa found hanging in Melbourne

Jack Layton's campaign bus made a left-hand-turn in front of me yesterday! Which somehow seems appropriate.

There is actually a place called Redneck's Haircuts.

Specializes in either mullets or buzzcuts, I would presume.

CIA Chief Admits To Torture After 6-hour Beating, Electrocution

Rove Implicated in Santa Identity Leak

I'm on a bit of a Christmas break -- one that will also be from blogging.  Not entirely, but I won't be posting very regularly from now until early next week.

So whether you're obsessively addicted to this blog (a small, elite few, I must say), a casual visitor or whether you tripped over it by accident while Googling various pejoratives, please have either a Merry Christmas, a holly, jolly Christmas, a white Christmas, a rainbow Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Festivus, happy holidays or simply enjoy some outstanding bargain-hunting and U.S. college football bowl games on Boxing Day.

Whatever. I don't judge at this blog.

Well, actually, I do, but I want to make a show of not doing so at this oh-so-special time of year.

Is your young daughter torturing her Barbie dolls? Don't worry, she's not turning into the next Eileen Wuornos; what she is doing is perfectly normal.

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